A clinical performance by the OTP Chargers in the weekend saw them defeat East Coast Bays and keep alive their tenuous hopes of reaching the Championship Final.
After four successive losses and in danger of effectively finishing their season early, the Chargers needed something special to get their heads out of the manure. Some excellent lobbying behind the scenes by Hanging-On-To-The-Captaincy-By-A-Thread Dawson saw the Chargers favourably drawn on their favourite ground, the iconic Cornwall No.3, so there would be no excuses for any more screw-ups.
Target-On-His-Back Dawson promptly lost the toss and the Chargers were asked to bowl first. The decision appeared to be a good one after Craig and John set about smashing the pill early, racing to 41 after just 6 overs, but things were about to change. John cracked a full toss straight back at Bruiser, who held a difficult catch, and the Chargers were on their way.
Newly crowned Double Wicket Champion Leon Vainu took up the attack at the top end, and was rewarded immediately with the wicket of the dangerous Craig, who attempted another pull shot and succeeded only in getting a towering top edge. At-Least-He-Can-Catch Dawson completed the catch at gully after loudly informing everyone else (including ‘keeper Chambers) to get the frak out of his way.
Vainu, fresh from the set of the C.H.I.P.S remake, slipped one through Paul’s defences and suddenly ECB were 49/3. Bruiser had started his spell tentatively, protecting a back that wasn’t 100%, but he was soon warmed up and scattered the stumps everywhere in the process of dismissing his second victim. In a fine bowling display, Bruiser went on to complete 10 overs on the trot, ending with the figures of 2-30. ECB went to drinks at 75/4 and the Chargers were on top.
‘Creaky Knees’ McCartain came back to the crease after drinks, and quickly dealt a couple of killer blows, castling Riki and Aidan in almost identical balls with the score at 79 and 83 respectively. After a ropy start, G. came back well and completed a good spell getting through to 2-34.
Vainu now had the scent of fresh palangi in his (slightly flared) nostrils, and he quickly accounted for Dwayne and Ty, who had no answer to the accumulated fury of hundreds of years of ethnic suppression. Leon bowled with pace and accuracy and ended with the excellent figures of 4-42 off his ten overs. Hammer and Gas combined to affect a great run-out after a brilliant one-handed grab at midwicket by Hammer, and ECB were all but done.
After jumping around waving his arms and yelling “Hey! Pick me! Pick me!” at the top of his lungs for 15 minutes, Flame of Shame veteran Peter Gordon’s subtle attempts to catch the skipper’s eye were rewarded with a bowl. He immediately earned the incredulity of the Chargers by getting one to turn square and knock the bail off the top of off stump His joyous cry of “So that’s what it looks like when it turns!” is testament to the naked nature of his spin career to date, and several tactful Chargers avoided pointing out the small pebble that appeared to be lying on the pitch in the approximate area where his delivery had landed.
So, ECB all out for 151 in the 36th over after a professional bowling and fielding display from the Chargers. There were only 6 wide deliveries in the innings, and the excellent lines (evidenced by seven of the dismissals being ‘bowled’) were backed up with some fantastic fielding – everybody looked sharp and hungry for the ball. Two difficult chances were spilled, one uncharacteristically by He-Can’t-Even-Catch-After-All Dawson, and given the extremely bumpy nature of the outfield, it really was a tremendous all-round fielding display.
However, as pointed out in the ECB team talk, the Chargers have failed to pass 100 in both games against ECB this year, and there’s no doubt they were still confident of a result.
That confidence looked well placed after Arnie and Dawson departed early. Arnie smashed a six over cow and was bowled next ball, and Dawson got the faintest edge to a wide one from Craig. It’s a measure of Dawson’s character that he walked immediately, especially given that umpire McIntosh had not heard the very faint nick and probably would have adjudged him ‘not out’. A quick glance at the Chargers bench revealed several pained expressions as there was a collective clenching of the sphincter and much tuneless whistling and gazing at the heavens – 15/2 and an air of “Here we go again” creeping into the equation.
Bruiser joined Wind in the middle and they set about providing some stability to the slightly unsteady run chase. When Wind was (softly) dismissed in the 16th over, the partnership had added an important 60 runs and the some of the Chargers sphincters were in relax mode – apart from the nameless team members who hadn’t realised they had a sphincter and were now experimenting with the sexual connotations of clenching and unclenching aforesaid anatomical apparatus.
Gas and Bruiser saw the Chargers safely through to drinks, and after the break Bruiser removed any lingering doubt by unleashing a sustained attack on the ECB bowling. He finished with a brilliant 73*, and was ably supported by the ever-reliable Gas, who finished with 24*. The Chargers had reached the total in the 26th over and in the process kept alive their hopes of an appearance in the Grand Final.
Bruiser again showed his class with an outstanding performance when it was needed most, but he’d be the first to acknowledge that the victory was a real team effort. The small total to chase was the result of some clinical bowling and fielding, and there was a real sense during the game that the Chargers were actually operating as a team unit rather than individuals waiting for someone else to make it happen.
Bruiser was deservedly voted Player of the Day despite some sneaky electioneering by the awards-hungry Vainu, and Hammer was deservedly awarded the Creature despite Dawson’s nomination of McCartain, obviously the result of some pillow talk promises during the week.
A heinous injustice unfolded during the Flame of Shame voting, Bruiser having to scull the invidious concoction on behalf of Jamie after their dogs had created havoc on the field and peed in several gear bags. Fair enough, you might say, but how Peter Gordon avoided the dubious honour after turning up late, missing his turn on the pre-match speech and claiming he’d turned one after it had clearly hit a large stone on the pitch, really defies belief. We can only hope karma will catch up with him next week.
The CT’s were also involved in a must-win semi-final clash against Avondale on the Number 2, so the Chargers moved the party next door. Bullet, who really can be a helpful illegitimate child at times, secured a bar leaner from the clubhouse and the team set up camp under the tree next to the nets. Shaq had pulled a hammie in the CT’s game, so the Chargers offered up Gas as a sub fielder, partly in recognition of his athletic ability and partly because the majority of the Chargers had imbibed a fair amount of mind-altering liquor.
Gas donned a CT’s green shirt and was despatched to deep midwicket, and on the back of some raucous Chargers support the CT’s began to take wickets at regular intervals, and eventually they won what had been an evenly balanced game at the drinks break. At one point, almost inevitably, an Avondale batsman hoisted a towering shot out toward the boundary. Everybody froze with drinks halfway to mouth and there was an audible intake of breath as the Chargers realised Gas was under the ball…
Well, this writer has seen some pretty special moments in a long career at the Cornwall Cricket Club, but the Chargers explosion of sheer joy as Gas calmly took the catch will surely rate as one of the most memorable. An ecstatic CT’s team mobbed him, and if he hadn’t been 120 metres away Gas would have been body slammed by a heap of drunken Chargers as well.
A fitting end to one of the classic days at Cornwall.
Joined: Mar 30, 2006 Posts: 919 Location: Auckland, NZ
Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 12:39 pm Post subject:
AWESOME BRO.............FELT LIKE I WAS THERE
I can picture the ball accelerating into the air....PAUSE....then the ball accelerating back to earth. Everyone hold their breathe in anticipation.....PAUSE.......GAS catches it in perfect form......EEERRRRUUPPPTTION of cheers....booze spilling everywhere.
Windy looking into Hosses eyes (for a only a split second....any longer then your gay) cheering and laughing and giggling like 12 yr old girls
Bullet looking into Bruisers eyes (1 whole minute)
Joined: Feb 15, 2006 Posts: 1170 Location: Auckland, NZ
Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 1:06 pm Post subject:
I enjoyed not having to write the ECB match report - after the first 2, I felt as though the captain may have been passing me something of a poisoned chalice.
Let's make sure whoever's on this weeks' one that they get to have something pleasant to write about too guys. Top work on Saturday.
Joined: Nov 01, 2006 Posts: 473 Location: Auckland, NZ
Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:37 pm Post subject:
To which sphincter was the above forementioned referal regarding? i just spent fifteen minutes tighly holding my chocolate starfish Schincter muscle, not for any good reason, only because you just made mention of it and i felt it obligatory to pay homage to such a crucial anatomical wonder.
Great report too Wind.
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